A CROSS-SECTION OF DYSFUNCTION

The reaction of one friend to some disturbing news:
(21:22:28) Kate: I ROCK
(21:22:29) Danielle: gah?
(21:22:31) Danielle: yeah?
(21:22:34) Kate: Yes.
(21:22:37) Kate: and no.
(21:22:41) Danielle: huh?
(21:22:48) Kate: Conrad can hear me having sex.
(21:22:55) Kate: He confessed today.
(21:22:58) Danielle: heh
(21:23:04) Kate: He can hear EVERYTHING.
(21:23:07) Kate: EVERYTHING.
(21:23:09) Danielle: hehe
(21:23:20) Kate: He can tell when speed changes, Danielle.
(21:23:26) Danielle: heh
(21:23:27) Kate: He can identify positions.
(21:23:33) Danielle: :-P
(21:23:37) Kate: NO NO
(21:23:50) Kate: THIS IS NOT A HAPPY SMILEY FACE WITH TONGUE TIME
(21:23:54) Danielle: yes it is\
(21:24:01) Kate: THIS IS A GOUGING WITH BROACHES OF EYES TIME
(21:24:05) Danielle: hehe
(21:25:06) Kate: HE CAN HEAR ME
(21:25:09) Kate: HAVING SEX.
(21:25:13) Kate: IT'S CONRAD.
(21:25:15) Kate: THE ALIEN
(21:25:37) Danielle: yeah...and it's funny :-P
(21:25:50) Kate: TO YOU
(21:26:22) Danielle: yep

***

The reaction of ANOTHER friend to the same distressing news:
(21:25:54) Kelly Kimball: how've you been?
(21:26:03) Kate: Good.
(21:26:13) Kate: Except that my housemate confessed something today.
(21:26:21) Kate: He can hear me having sex.
(21:26:25) Kelly Kimball: eeeeeeek
(21:26:28) Kelly Kimball: oh boy.
(21:26:31) Kate: yeah
(21:26:42) Kate: Like, he can tell when we change positions
(21:26:42) Kelly Kimball: aaaaaah.
(21:26:46) Kelly Kimball: WHAAAAAT
(21:26:51) Kelly Kimball: what did he say?!
(21:26:51) Kate: And speed.
(21:26:54) Kelly Kimball: that's so awkward
(21:26:55) Kelly Kimball: oh no
(21:27:02) Kate: He could write a dissertation on my sexual activity.
(21:27:08) Kelly Kimball: NOOO
(21:27:13) Kate: He knows I'm a biter.
(21:27:20) Kelly Kimball: well. that actually could potentially be prize-winning.
(21:27:23) Kelly Kimball: jesus.
(21:27:48) Kate: Jesus has NOTHING to do with my sex life.
(21:27:52) Kelly Kimball: haaaaaaaaa
(21:28:05) Kelly Kimball: so i take it's still sex-god-peter?
(21:28:11) Kate: Yes.
(21:28:46) Kate: We pretty much live together at this point. He barely ever sleeps at his place.
(21:29:12) Kate: (the 13-year-old girl and parents of former make sex very, very awkward at his place.)
(21:29:21) Kelly Kimball: wow
(21:29:24) Kate: (Also, they've banned us from the premises afterhours.)
(21:29:27) Kelly Kimball: aaaaaah. yeah. not good.
(21:29:30) Kelly Kimball: wow.
(21:29:43) Kate: (There was an incident.)
(21:29:46) Kelly Kimball: oh no!
(21:29:48) Kelly Kimball: do tell!!
(21:29:52) Kate: Well.
(21:29:56) Kate: You remember 24?
(21:30:04) Kelly Kimball: oh no. at his house?
(21:30:08) Kate: Yes.
(21:30:18) Kate: And his room is adjacent to the study.
(21:30:22) Kelly Kimball: uh oh
(21:30:26) Kate: Where, apparently, the mom was working.
(21:30:30) Kate: Pretty much all night.
(21:30:40) Kate: The walls ... they aren't thick, Kelly.
(21:30:44) Kelly Kimball: !!!!!!!!
(21:30:50) Kate: Not thick enough, apparently.
(21:31:04) Kelly Kimball: hahahahahahahA
(21:31:08) Kelly Kimball: this is amazing

***

In other news -- My friendship with Trevor has reached Nirvana. Here is the entirety of our IM conversation (by this I mean, the following line was the first time I'd IM'd him that day):
(21:33:24) Kate: you must obey the dance commander.
(21:33:38) Trevor: giving out the order for fun
(21:34:08) Kate: You must obey the dance commander, he's the only one
(21:34:30) Trevor: who gives the order here?
(21:34:40) Kate: Alright?
(21:34:48) Trevor: who gives the orders here?
(21:34:57) Kate: Alright!
(21:35:02) Trevor: it would be awesome
(21:35:53) Kate: if we could dance
(21:36:08) Trevor: it would be awesome, yeah
(21:36:21) Kate: let's take a chance
(21:37:08) Trevor: it would be awesome, yeah
(21:37:29) Kate: Radio message from HQ
(21:37:54) Trevor: dance commander, we love you
(21:38:08) Kate: Let's get this party started right, y'all
(21:38:32) Trevor: let's get this party started riiiiiiight!
(21:39:09) Kate: I went to the store
(21:40:06) Trevor: to get more
(21:40:09) Kate: FIRE
(21:40:15) Trevor: TO START THE WAR
(21:40:30) Kate: Oh, Trevor.
(21:40:33) Kate: I love you.
(21:40:42) Trevor: i heart you too
(21:41:03) Kate: How are you?
(21:42:44) Trevor: so so
(21:42:48) Trevor: got hosed by the train :(
(21:42:49) Trevor: you?
(21:43:14) Kate: well, I haven't had a drink in DAYS
(21:43:34) Trevor: pobrecito!
(21:44:03) Kate: I know, right?
(21:44:08) Kate: And I'm not even Mexican.
(21:44:37) Trevor: seriously
(21:44:45) Trevor: no, i mean, seriously
(21:44:46) Trevor: ?
(21:45:21) Kate: You, too, are pobre.
(21:45:33) Trevor: indeed
(21:46:31) Trevor: i am not as pobre as the guy who got hit by the train in redwood city
(21:46:47) Kate: DUDE
(21:46:58) Kate: That man is SO Mexican.
(21:47:10) Kate: POBRE.
(21:47:23) Trevor: maybe, maybe not
(21:47:30) Trevor: they were in a hurry
(21:47:40) Trevor: then they were hit by an express train going 50+ mph
(21:48:04) Kate: Well, obviously, the Mexicans, despite their training, still cannot run fast enough.
(21:49:17) Kate: Dude
(21:49:31) Trevor: dudette
(21:50:18) Kate: That train was so drunk.
(21:50:36) Trevor: i told that train to lay off the sauce
(21:50:39) Trevor: but it wouldn't listen
(21:50:28) Trevor: apparently someone was hit yesterday in mountain view too!
(21:50:34) Kate: wow.
(21:52:12) Kate: Mountain View too? The Mexicans really ARE everywhere.

There are no words --

NO WORDS.